Lets step out in the light

The life that I wanted , I didn't get and the life that i got I am not sure if it is what I wanted. But then does anyone gets the life that he or she wants? if we like what we get then we think that it did turn out to be alright in the end. And if don't get what we wanted we still say that it did turn out to be alright in the end. 
probably because by the end we are so tired that most of us have actually forgotten what we wanted, to begin with. even after getting so much from life, I still am the young girl who wanted to go backpacking around the world with an overnight sleeping bag and camera and a diary of course. To go around traveling and seeing and experiencing life. to look for answers to unknown questions. 
But due to family and cultural boundaries, i can never live the life unaccustomed to people around me. being a female I can't go around the world alone. What is this world if you can't live safely alone? The adventurer inside me still kicks in sometimes. the artist inside me still moves a bit and the thinker inside me can't help herself but wonder. 
Sometimes I do wonder, is there a person who would know the complete me. Can anyone in this world claim to know me completely? I don't think so, we know each other only the way we want to see each other. Maybe because we are good at hiding our true selves and maybe because none of us has the time to waste finding out things about others. It's easier to not pay attention. It is easier not to step out of our comfort zone.
But after living more than 30 years of my life, I think I am getting fed up with hiding who I am , what I think and what I want. I would probably never get what I want but I will make sure that I at least live the life as the person I actually am. But still, I will not reveal it all to people around me. It can scare people, It can make them run away. Let's take one step at a time, one wish at a time. let's all do that, let us reveal ourselves one layer at a time. So, in the end, it will be easier to say that it was not that bad,it did turn out to be alright!!

Misfit !!

Sometimes i feel that i am a complete misfit in the society. What ever I do, what ever I become will never be completely understood. I have a bad habit of assuming that people would think of me in a good way as I never intentionally do any harm to any one. But it breaks my heart when on occasions I feel that people actually don't like me much, they misjudge me or mistrust me. I think it is very hard for people like me to be happy. I tend to live inside my own head and when interact with people it seems they have taken me to be a person I am not at all. Oh you don't understand the dilemma of a person who is misunderstood! the agony of doubting your self in the struggle to understand whether you are right about yourself or whether people figured you out. What is to be done for sorry souls like me! where should we go? what should we do? who should we trust enough to let our guard down. Sometimes it feels like all is fine and sundry, everything becomes clear but then suddenly you loose the grip of things and doubt your own being.
Oh the tragedy of people happening around you. what can be more wrong for us to have social ties , what can be right for us to have social ties. I never had any favorite thing or personality or song or food etc. the reason is that i never knew what i want, I still don't know that. I have always envied people who knew what they are looking for; money  love, fame etc. but me i have always been vague, always struggling, always trying to keep up. Dear Life what have you done to me, how will I survive you and why will I survive you. when will it end, when will I be off guard and free. Sometimes I feel there is no place for me!