when i was a kid i wanted to become an archaeologist or a historian so i could travel and do research , read loads of books and write many. i wanted to become a famous writer. but when it came to selecting a career i realized that i did not have much of a choice in that matter. the subjects that my college offered were limited to being pre medical, pre engineering and if i changed college they options expanded to a mere economics maths or arts and home economics. i was so confused and part of me was so clueless that i selected pre medical just because i did not know what to do and how to go about. At that time there was not much to choose from specially for people like me who wanted was to search and study life and humans. so my dream of being of being a historian is still a dream and i still, at the age of 33 don't have a clue what to do with my life. i feel that God created us all for a reason and all our life we struggle to find that reason and the moment we find that reason we die, i feel that this is the irony of life that in the end we realize that this was not about what we thought it to be about.
the only part of my dream that can be made true is that i continue writing no matter how illogical it may sound or whether anyone likes it or not i should continue it because for me writing is all i have , its all i know. for me its like a stress buster like a power to deal with life, to face problems no matter how small or big they are. the other part of my dream that i wish would become a reality is travelling , i want to see the historical places like turkey and Italy and France and Spain etc. the places that made our world what it is. i want to understand what and why decisions were made in history , decisions that chiseled and molded our cultures and society and religions to what they are now. As i always say that this thought humbles me the most that i am just an insignificant grain of the sand of humanity, when i die nobody would remember or care who i was or what i thought. we remember the important people who made an impact on society , history, culture or religion. people like me are so unimportant and we would pass unnoticed in this world. This humbles me every time and puts me in my place and also makes me want to understand why some important people who had the chance and choice to effect humanity or history made important decisions for the worst. But this is life and you cant put it in one scale and judge it on a fixed set of criteria. But the mind wanders and want answers and put some questions out there in the world without wanting any answers.
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